a pseudo-internet-dating-apology of sorts...

this is for Vincent, Pete, Rickey, Eric, Ken, Mike, Greg and the myriad nameless others...

I'm sorry for the misunderstanding, and misrepresentation - it wasn't intentional, and I'm not sure if there even was any. Let me explain. You saw my picture, my 'resume', my profile, on some webpage, and thought I was intriguing, appealing, attractive, witty or something along those lines. You contacted me, trying to get to know me, and we may have had a conversation that was stimulating, or at least interesting.

So, to head off all excessive anticipation, I sent you a full-length picture, or agreed to meet you in person.

It was all over your face, all in the unsent emails, missing IM's and unringing phone. Somehow, the reality of me doesn't live up to the digital image, the profile, the resume, or the idea of me. It's ok, as I said before, I understand - we all have a certain aesthetic we find appealing. But just because I understand, doesn't make this (somewhat) constant rejection hurt any less.

Someone asked me if I believed in love at first sight, or love at first "talk-to". And I answered untruthfully. I said I believed in the possibility, but it had never happened to me. The truthful answer is no - because somehow once someone actually gazes upon my visage in person, whatever connection we had is lost.

In any event, I don't harbor any ill will toward you, as I said, I understand. And while I think I'm pretty, and know that the resume is 'tight', I also know that somehow I have to do some things, to make the two match.

In the meantime, I just don't have the overwhelming desire to continue to see that reaction - you know - the one you think you've sufficiently hidden...I just don't want to see that reaction on another person's face, in another unanswered email or IM.

I'm exiting the game (retiring from dating for a while) before I begin to undermine my confidence, and start questioning my self-worth. I sincerely hope that you all find the person that you're looking for.